Adolescence: A Time of Confusion

Somehow I've always felt as if this time would never come. The time when I would actually have to choose a path for my future. When college has finally hit and you realize that reality is all too real, then you just can't run anymore. It feels as if I haven't had enough time to develop who I really am and who I want to be. At 18 years, most of us feel like we know what we're doing yet we don't. 

We're no longer at the age where we're arrogant and blame the world for our mistakes because we know better. We are past the age of depending on others and it's time for us to take our future back into our own hands. As much as we feel as if a protective shield will always protect us; it won't. 

In psychology we learn that we are at an egocentric stage, where we feel like nothing bad can happen to us. Nothing can go wrong in our world. Can't I stay in this world forever? Where I would never worry about these things? 

But I already know what I can't avoid. Know for a fact that I have to finally choose my path. 

Maybe my issue lies in the fact that I will suffer all the consequences of making the wrong choice. I know for a fact that I am not the only one suffering. 

For now, I've decided to finally follow my dream, the fear will just have to wait. 

After two years I've decided to come back to this blog, I guess writing about my feelings have always relieved me, but somewhere along the way, I've lost the time to. I wonder what ever happen to the girl who used to read 40 books over one summer and write poems in her free time?

Majoring in music, where will it take me?

I want to die in the snow

I want to watch the snow fall peacefully
I want to wait patiently for it to all pile on top on me
one by one, piece by piece
When the cold becomes unbearing, and my body stops feeling, I want to forget about everything and just watch the snow.
Each little snowflake different from another, but they all accept me;my warmth as their own. Never judging, never stopping.
I want to be cold, not knowing anything but the cold.
Dont want to think about the people who scheme
The people who think selfishly
The people whom I no longer care about.
It should've never been my business to begin with, not my worry to care for.
So let snow fall peacefully and let me die in the snow.

[SarahLovesSmiles]

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wondered why there are so many people who expect things from you? What gives them the right to expect anything from
you? But these people could be anyone;your parents, your friends, your teachers.

Doesn't the expectance come to an end at some point? Your mom can expect you to help her out with things because she gave birth to you, but she can't expect you to listen to her forever. Your teacher can expect you to respect him/her but he/she can't expect you to always get good grades.

So what about your friends? What are they allowed to expect of you and where does that come to an end? Typical expectations for a friend would be to keep your secrets, be loyal, listen to you, hang out with you in your free time, help you out with whatever they can. Correct?

Why is it that people always ask for more? After awhile, people will ask for more and more. Its the selfish human nature behind our civilized masks. When you ask why other people ask so much of you, have you ever thought about what you asked of others?

Maybe you could be the one asking too much of others. With that thought in mind, would you then give what others ask you for? Would this be a perfect cycle where one gives and one takes from another? But what about the selfish people who cheat their way out of the circle and don't give? What then? What do we do with our broken wheel?

It won't get us anywhere. We all remain in the same place, trying to move forward. Half a wheel trying to move down a road; a futile attempt.

Maybe I think of the world as a much too kind place, but isn't that the ideal utopia in everyone's minds? Isn't that why we're always taught to be kind to others, taught that the those who do harm to others are the bad guys? So why are everyone such hypocrites? Why do we try so hard to keep this hypocrasy going?

[SarahLovesSmiles]